I was doing someone’s healing the other day and I told the person that you need to work on loving yourself first, be kind to yourself so you can heal completely, and she asked me what I meant by Self-love..!
Yes, most people aren’t aware of Self-love, as it is something that has not been taught to us as kids, probably rightfully to an extent to avoid making us into selfish arrogant adults.
Anyhow! In the simplest way it means, I will take care of myself, so that I can take care of you. Which means physically, emotionally and mentally take care of myself and my needs, not making me selfish but self-aware.
The concept is something like this, When you don’t have something yourself, can you give it to others? No, I don’t think so.
Who doesn’t like to be loved and appreciated by others? 90% of us at some level do! But at what cost? We end up losing our own unique individuality to begin with! Not knowing who you really are, what you really want and what makes you happy, because we are so busy trying to make others happy, trying to live a picture perfect life.
Most of us have been given sound and good advice by our family, friends and acquaintances at an impressionable age about what was right by their standards then or in the worst case scenario, the perfect girl or boy depicted on television, which leaves a mark on our character turning us into confused little souls later on in life. We have been misled to believe that behaving or acting in a certain way will earn you brownie points. (Sadly, by people who don’t matter or care for the real you.)
If you notice the lives of the ones who did everything for others but themselves, they weren’t very happy or satisfied at the end of the day, they always felt under-appreciated or there was this sense of deprivation, no matter how many people loved and adored them they still felt empty within.
What I’m saying is that there needs to be a balance, there is no need to be rude or nasty, but at the same time you need to know how much you can push yourself. People will eventually appreciate you for your honesty and straight-forwardness, and the ones who don’t! Well, need I say more?
You need to realise:
- You’re not the image of what you want other people to think of you, you have your own character and are your own person.
- Its ok you’re not the perfect version of the person created by society, no one is and if they are then again at what cost!
- God made all of us different, gave us different strengths etc., so stop comparing yourself to others, focus on your good points instead. I always quote Albert Einstein on this one, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
- There is nothing wrong with feeling what you feel and expressing yourself kindly.
- that, not everyone will be happy and support you in your decisions, but if you really feel that you need to do it for yourself, then go ahead and do it as long as it gives you happiness and you’re not harming anyone.
-Don’t keep waiting for something or someone to happen, Continue on your path, focus on your growth and keep the faith that if it is a part of God’s higher plan it will happen to you.
- People will walk in and walk out of your life, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you, it just means that their role in your life is over, try and understand the reason why they came into your life, what lesson they taught you and be grateful for the learning experience. When you are grateful for your misfortunes chances are you have grown in that aspect of life and the same thing will not happen again, as you have prepared yourself to receive something greater.
- Even if you fail miserably at something, know that you had the courage to do something different and the knowledge and wisdom you gained by it are not in vain, they will help you in life. For if you haven’t failed in life you’ve either been lucky or just too scared and sadly haven’t had the chance to grow and learn some of the great lessons of life! Also you won’t be one of those who keep wondering, what if!
- Love & Respect yourself enough to walk out of any situation that does not treat you well.
When you love and respect yourself the way you are, the good, the bad and the ugly… for everything that you are, you will suddenly experience this ecstasy, this sense of freedom and love which nothing can compare to:
- You will not accept anyone in your life who doesn’t love & respect you the same way if not more and helps you grow as a person. The naysayers will be out forever as they would have sensed your new found respect for yourself.
- You will know your weak points and be prepared to deal with them,
- Your relationships will be nourishing and uplifting,
- You will not feel dejected by others as you will be your own master, by keeping your interests first.
- You will understand and respect others when they don’t feel like doing something instead of being upset and hurt over it,
- You will be able to Love better, with a more honest and pure heart, because you are being true to yourself which is the first step in being true to others.
Lastly and most importantly, God made you out of his own energy, in him we have our being. We are all Children of God and when we harm ourselves, in any way, physically, emotionally or mentally we are actually harming a part of God that is within us.
Love & Respect your ‘Self’.
• ‘Self’ as described by Carl Jung, is the “God within you”, also referred to as the ‘Soul’ by some religious schools.
Amrita Mann
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